Five Resolution Tips or Just Some Good Sense

As 2019 kicks off, resolutions are in full swing...or not. According to Forbes, self-improvement is goal number one with weight loss, eating healthier and better finances reaching near the top. Some estimates state more than 40% of Americans make New Year's resolutions; however, only 8% achieve them. So how do you make them stick? Although I am my own toughest critic, here is my take on the subject and a few insights over the years.

1.    Achievable Goals

Americans tend to push the limit in everything we do: bigger houses, better jobs, supersized meals at restaurants, maxed out credit cards, closets of clothes and shoes and the list goes on. While many of these have negative connotations, this “push the limits” personality has led to some pretty great things too: leaders in technology (Steve Jobs), exceeding the boundaries of science and probably the can-do attitude for democracy itself.

The idea that more is better, and we can do anything we set our minds to, can get us into trouble though when it comes to New Year's resolutions and setting goals. The evidence is everywhere. "Lose 10 pounds in one week." "Be debt free in six weeks." Our culture is filled with lofty advertising to change ourselves completely--to do a major overhaul--in record time. 

The irony is, it took months, usually years, and sometimes a lifetime for those bad habits to be ingrained; we then get frustrated when we cannot change them overnight. The solution is to start small and increase our goals each week or month. It is a lot better to feel like a winner at small but achievable goals rather than to feel like a quitter because of unreasonable ones. That being said, we still have to make them...

2.    Measurable Goals

By Sew Seraphic Life

A goal by its very definition needs some kind of measurable result to know it has been achieved. Even if we make a generic goal--to eat healthier--there is an end goal or reason why we are doing it. Maybe it is to be a certain weight, to have more energy, to solve a health problem; however, we do not know if it's truly working, or how it’s working, unless we track it. 

Let's say for example, we ate better for six months and we only lost five pounds. It is certainly a win--better than gaining or maintaining--but where do we look to understand how we can improve? It’s not fun to keep track of everything. With any goal though, all experts will tell you, tracking is necessary.

3.    Moving Forward with the Right Mentality

While we need measurable goals, we also need to balance it with a reality check. Statistics show that the majority of people quit the first week after New Year's resolutions begin and it declines thereafter. The reason being, we often think it is an all or nothing type of thing. 

If we fail to eat well one day or skip the gym or purchase unneeded items--all is lost, we've failed. This is when we need a reality check. We ate healthy meals five out of the seven days. We need to see the value in what we have done rather than let the negative thought come in that we haven’t done it perfectly.

This idea of moving FORWARD (not being perfect) is a huge game changer when making goals. This state of mind--we have to consistently work on, especially in the beginning--will often determine whether we throw in the towel or continue on with our resolutions. 

4.    Do What Works for You

At library sales (I'm a fan of recycle and reuse with books) there is ALWAYS one type of book that excessively supersedes all other types of books: self-help. Whether it's the low-fat cookbooks, the shredding your abs in so many days exercise books, the how to be happy, how to change your mindset, how to achieve financial reward—they’re all discarded by people who (I'm suspecting) realized they didn't work for them. 

We can't help it. We are a culture who looks outward for guidance: to our leaders, celebrities, God, gurus, mentors--anyone we think has the magical answer we can't seem to find ourselves. 

The truth is, nobody has the perfect answer for how to change; especially, when we are the ones who have to put in the work and even more importantly, we are not all the same. It is a matter of taking advice from different sources and then adapting what is relevant to our own lives and then if it doesn't work, tweak it or try something else. 

Along with this, we have to know some of these people we emulate are not realistic role models. That celebrity in Beverly Hills who tells you how to live on 1600 calories a day, exercise for an hour, maintain a fulltime job, cook a fabulous dinner in 30 minutes or less and of course, be the World's Greatest Mom while doing it all is not realistic! That star who makes us think she can do it all (so why can’t we) probably has one or all of the following: chef, nanny, personal trainer, driver--oh, and Botox for that perfect skin.

Instead of trying to emulate the top 1% who look like supermodels, throw down a meal like Martha Stewart, live like the Kardashians, or have suddenly become millionaires (like on informercials) by buying a pack of audio CDs and a book on wealth, the best way to seek motivation and uplifting advice is to read and watch ordinary people who have struggled or conquered their issues. They are the ones who have the real gems of advice.  

5.    We ALL Need to Judge Less

We are a society who compares ourselves to other people. We feel guilt when we are exercising because we're not at home with the kids and guilt when we are with the kids at some fun place because we're not at home cleaning. This describes more of the female side, but with the male side (and now female, too) it's usually working extended hours and not being home with the family. There is guilt for everything if we let it in. 

Two of my New Year's resolutions are: care less about what other's think and let go of the guilt I place on myself. I'm not sure what happened, but these are two resolutions that magically clicked once 2019 hit and let me tell you, living without guilt (especially, that we women place on our own selves) is incredibly freeing.

Here's the thing: we will never be perfect. We think there is some Holy Grail or end zone where we’ll suddenly be everything and all that we've ever wanted to be. It's an illusion. We can never make it all happen: perfect body, perfect job, perfect house, perfect family--never.

We can only move forward and be realistic in our goals, make them attainable instead of unreachable and most definitely, give ourselves a break from an all or nothing attitude. We all have to love and be kind to ourselves first--before our children, our spouses, our friends, our parents, our community.

 I have never really understood the notion when doctors or self-help books have said, "You have to take care of yourself to be there for others." Then the meaning sort of all came together. This *love yourself first* extends way beyond just making sure you eat right or exercise or save money or whatever the most popular resolutions or goals are.

 

Sure, it’s a part of it--like for example, through exercise you have more energy for your kids--but it's so much more. It goes along with having free time to do the things YOU are passionate about. Time for you to get away and socialize with friends. We feel guilty because we think taking time for ourselves is selfish, this is what we’ve been taught, especially if we have children in the mix. Part of how we win at resolutions, and a happy life, is taking the time to take care of ourselves. Otherwise, we get rundown, into bad habits and end up making even more goals and resolutions.

Whatever the case, resolutions or not, the best and most poignant advice I can give you is to love yourself more in 2019. If over 40% of Americans make resolutions each year, there is obviously something we wish would be different with ourselves. By being more forgiving, yet still being accountable, we can all be winners at this resolution thing and be one of the 8% who succeed. 

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