Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to Me

My birthday weekend was great! Yesterday, we went to see Wicked, the untold story of the witches of Oz. There was a man that laughed like a horse throughout the whole musical who sat next to my husband, but other than that, it was pretty damn good. Well worth the bazillion American Express points it took to see it.

Then we went to the Melting Pot for a four course fondue dinner. Today, we went to see the movie, The Golden Compass and then to Sam's Club to get groceries. (Okay the Sam's Club thing wasn't so great but hey, you have to eat.)

And tonight, I am blowing out my candles and making a big ol' wish. Perhaps it'll be the typical Miss America beauty pageant wish for "world peace" however, I doubt it.

Congratulations Olivia!

This is a professional picture and cannot be copied

On Halloween, after trick-or-treating, we entered the mall's Costume Contest. Each child had to go on stage and model their costume. When her time came, Olivia (dressed as a lady bug) walked on the stage by herself, gave her card to the announcer, went to the front where the judges sat and gave a big toothy grin.

She actually came in first for the Cutest Costume out of 100 plus children who entered. Way to go Olivia!

I learned three things:

1. I am of course very proud of her ability to make even the grumpiest people smile.

2. Cracker Barrel has become the newest and greatest place to buy halloween costumes. (Go figure.)

3. I've turned into one of "those" parents.

The Lost Child

To those who left us behind too early

Yet so visually have never escaped our minds

We wait in anticipation for the day

When remembrance becomes completion

And we shall be reunited

As if time had never passed

And love was never lost

-D.K.

(For Jackie)

Bite-Size Brown Bits of Joy

Now I have heard of individually wrapped chocolates, individually wrapped popsicles and even individually wrapped pieces of cheese, but individually wrapped prunes? Where does one even start with this?

Sunsweet, a company that produces and sells most of the dried fruit and juices that you see in grocery stores came out with a new product Sunsweet Ones. The hype: you can now buy your prunes individually wrapped! Boy, how lucky we are that science and technology has advanced us.

The upscale bourgeois eat with your pinkie up name:

Pitted Dried Plums

The name which parents used when they made us eat them:

Prunes!

I still remember when I ate my first prune as a child. It was like eating a beetle, once you bit through the tough skin, the ooze came out. I pointed to the roof of my mouth where it had stuck itself and yelled, "Yucky!"

And where does one eat these "individually wrapped" prunes?

People at offices bring in goodies to their fellow coworkers all of the time; candies, cookies, and especially chocolate if you work with a bunch of women. But who is going to be the one to bring in a can of these babies and say, "Would you like an individually wrapped pitted dried plum?"

And the parties. "There's a bowl of Cheetos and a bowl of prunes on the table. Help yourself and enjoy." But as one website mentioned, "Prunes are well known for their ability to prevent constipation." (Which may be a hint that it isn't such a good party or group food if you don't want your bathroom stool in use for the whole night.)

The product is actually targeted to people who want a boost of energy and vitamins without gaining weight. But let's be truthful, if you are starving and trying to lose weight it's not a prune you want to reach for, nor do you want to take the umpteen seconds it takes to unwrap just one. No, if you are starving, you'll be taking the half an hour it would require to unwrap each individual one from the can, just to feel semi-full.

And then of course

running to the bathroom.

So I ask you? Would you buy and then take the time to individually unwrap a delectable, downsized, delicious Prune?

And what's next?

Individually wrapped raisins?

(And since it's Halloween and all, try putting one in the kiddies napsack or jack-o-lantern on Halloween night when they ring the doorbell and say, "Trick-or-treat".

And then you can reply, "Here's a nice delicious individual prune for you."

I'm sure they will just love it. Now your house may be egged at a later point in time, but I can't be responsible for that.)

To Get You in the Mood for Halloween

You have to click on the link below and see these pictures from a fellow friend's website showing "Why Pets Hate Halloween"

Hilarious and definitely worth the time. I promise.

And if that doesn't scare you, you can always scroll down and look at Phil Spector's picture again.

http://zookins.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/why-pets-hate-halloween/

A Face (And Hairdo) Only a Mother Could Love

We all remember the perms of the 80's. I do, because I had at least eight of them in my school career and I still have the smell of a freshly new perm in my mind.

Let me tell you, when you left the beauty salon, the smell of fried hair lingered with you, that is until the beauty salons went new age and got in fruit smelling perm solutions. Now when I left with a new perm, I could smell like both strawberries and burnt hair. I don't know which one was worse.

But with Phil Spector, somewhere amidst the perm solution and the curl relaxer, damn it, someone got this one wrong. And if you haven't noticed the elephant in the room, I'm talking about yes, that particularly charming looking fellow up above.


Phil Spector, a famous music producer back in the 1960's, is charged with shooting Lana Clarkson. (Which many journalists so politely denote her as "B actress Lana Clarkson" - as if her life was only mildly important.) http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_7005994

Five women from his past came forth and said that Spector threatened them with guns so he obviously has a fascination with firearms, which may or may not be compensating for a lack of something else he may not have elsewhere. (I don't know? Big hair, big guns - you be the judge.)

So here is what I think - the perm is being used to house a small pocket pistol, like the one you see James Bond sporting in his earlier movies. I mean really, it could fit in there, right?

If a person is going to court and especially if he is being charged with murder, I have always felt it is in their best interest if they dress up a bit, do their hair, clean their nails and such. It is not however, the time to get a fresh perm.

However, once the deed is done and there is no going back, it's time to use styling products to diminish the damage. He could sprinkle some water on top of it to flatten it down a bit and take out the frizz or perhaps another option, take a hand full of Pantene hair mousse and run it through so the poof relaxes a few feet. In any case, he certainly shouldn't have appeared in court with a hairdo which could have been easily achieved by sticking his finger into a light socket.

Here is the clincher: The court had to declare a mistrial because the jury did not come back with a unanimous verdict.

It had to be the hair.

In other news, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (or as Whoopi Goldberg on The View called him, Mahmoud I'm-a-dinner-jacket) spoke at Columbia University to a fiery crowd. Not only does he deny that the Holocaust happened which is baffling but he also thinks that being gay must be strictly an American thing.

Ahmadinejad told the audience: "In Iran, we don't have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have this." http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/nation/bal-te.ahmadinejad25sep25,0,4057721.story

And there you have it. Obviously, someone never asked either of these interesting gentlemen: "Where did you come from?" Because these two certainly fit the bill. http://soyouwouldthink.blogspot.com/2007/09/where-did-you-come-from.html



And with that smile and wave, perhaps the now deceased televangalist, Reverend Jerry Falwell, would have a different take all together for Mr. Ahmadinejad as well.
http://soyouwouldthink.blogspot.com/2007/06/quote-of-day.html
and
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/276677.stm