November 8, 2012

The Day After

As I mentioned in my last posting our dog, Daisy, died this week. Today we received an autopsy report emailed to my husband's account from Purdue University. Puncture wounds. My husband said, "Puncture wounds!" He then looked further, it was for a 6 year-old male dog. "What?" And then he looked at the name. Rex. 
We received the wrong report.

It has been a long week but absolutely better than the very first night when she died. For the past week, I've played it back in my mind over and over. Was there anything she could have gotten into? I asked my husband, "Did you leave something out when you painted Olivia's room?" Could a piece of onion have caused it? What about Olivia's Halloween candy. Maybe a kidney infection because she had urinary problems. What about bloat, maybe it was bloat? But they would have seen it in the stomach, right? On and on. I try not to do it. Logically, I'm smart enough to know it is a stupid waste of time and tears to try and figure out because I'm not a vet or a psychic. It is enough to drive one crazy.

And in a way, I'm paying for it. My face is completely red and burning, brought on by emotional stress. I went to see my doctor today and she gave me some topical ointment to help. The only problem, it smells like perm solution!!! It has helped (I think) but I'm not sure I'll be able to put up with it for the next several days until it goes away. I gave up perms in the late 80's and I don't plan on reliving that odorific smell. My daughter came home from school, hugged me and said, "What stinks!"

I have been doing whatever I can to try and feel better: The Oprah Network, movies, walking the dog, chocolate cookies. These are the things for any female to feel better. I watched Oprah's Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant about getting over guilt since I feel horrible about not taking Daisy to the vet sooner. The Oprah Lifeclass helped. I will never forget my mistake but I need to somehow learn to live with it. I will forgive myself and make sure I learn something from it. And maybe, my difficult lesson will be your salvation one day if your pet or child becomes ill and you have to make a decision to go or wait it out.

So I will carry on. I'm not sure when we are supposed to receive the necropsy report. I hope and pray to God that it will offer some clarity. Knowing our luck, my husband will receive another report next week only this time, for a dog named Duke or Mitzy. 

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